Hm. So Dan's 5,000th tweet was coming up. He wasn't even sure what to do with himself right now. He wasn't famous enough to like, actually be justified in doing something for his 5000th tweet, right? It wasn't like he had fans to thank, right? Well, he kind of did #thuglife, in that he had like, twenty or thirty people who liked and retweeted each of his tweets. But it wasn't like he had a fanbase or an instagram or a youtube account or anything.
This was just a weird situation. He really needed to come up with something cool for this tweet. Something like, subtly funny and sarcastic #easyaspie, his personal @dantheman22 style. But for the first time, probably in his life, he was having trouble fitting his emotions into 140 characters.
Like, even without the 140 character limit, how could Dan ever, in a million years, describe what Twitter had done for his life? Without making it sound ridiculous #ofcourse. And without sounding like he was one of those crazy 14-year-old fan girls who was all #OMG #TWITTERISSO #COOLBCUZ #1DISONIT #OMGGGG. Because twitter was so much more than a website to him. It always had been, it always would be.
Twitters are like onions… he began to type, then deleted it hurriedly. No, he couldn't go for the cliché. If there was one thing in his life that he knew made him different from everyone else, including all those 14-year-old fangirls, it was his relationship with twitter. Because twitter was what had gotten him through this whole life of being strange and silent #andshit. Twitter had given a voice to a kid who'd never had one, and would never have one. Twitter had given him a voice to talk to a world full of people whose language he couldn't speak. Twitter had given him a world where he didn't have to ask people to make any special allowances or have special patience simply to be able to hang out with him; twitter was a world where he wasn't different. Twitter had gotten him through this #yearwithhearingpeople bullshit, and he wouldn't be surprised if it was what got him through the rest of his life.
Well, you know what they say, 500th tweet's the...#ohforgetit
Well, there went that tweet. Now he really couldn't put it off any longer.
There comes a time in everyone's life when… #no #no #no. He erased that one too. God, had the creativity fairy just not stopped at his crib when it was making its rounds back 18 years ago or whenever?
Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate in his hands. Had someone texted him? He unlocked it without glancing at the lock screen, and was suddenly greeted with the all-too-familiar twitter interface.
@dantheman22 is a loser and has the worst twitter and he needs to fight me in the cafeteria to defend his honor right now #fitemeirl
Oh shit. The gauntlet had just been thrown. You didn't diss @dantheman22 without…well, some consequence. Something was going to happen to her, okay? #Defz.
Dan stopped right where he was in the hallway, prompting squawks of protest from those who'd been behind him. #Toobad. He had a higher purpose. He began to stroll back the way he'd come, briskly weaving between fellow Baum students, towards the cafeteria.
@whytherumisgone2 acts all badass but is too chicken to text me. #twitterworldtakenote
He closed the app with a satisfied grin on his face. Perfect.
He turned the corner and entered the dining hall, locating Andie at a table. He waved to her innocently, making his way over.